The Cookie Monster
Cookies. That’s the first thing I think about when I
wake up.
I LOVE cookies, but who doesn’t? Everyone loves
cookies. That’s what motivates people, right?
Today is Monday, shopping day. I wake up, eat four
chocolate chip cookies for breakfast, and head out into the big world.
I am
walking down the street to Kim’s grocery, passing by all kinds of weird people.
A man is walking in the opposite direction eating some kind of sandwich. He’s
probably trying to conceal the fact that he has cookies. Why else would he eat
a sandwich instead of a delicious cookie?
Another man is talking to a blonde near the mailbox.
Yeah, he’s handsome, but it’s pretty obvious to everyone that she’s not
interested. He puts his hand on her arm - and she flinches. He’s probably
trying to get into her apartment and steal her cookies, but she’s not gonna
fall for that.
Finally, Kim’s grocery, I enter the small store. Kim
is standing at the counter. “Good morning Oogi,” Kim waves her hand and smiles.
“Good morning Kim,” I smile back. I like Kim, she
seems like a nice person, I’ve been going to her store for almost six years
now, and not once has she asked me about my cookies.
The store’s shelves are filled with useless products:
bread, cheese, frozen meat, candies, sodas, beers, spices, and other items that
try to distract you from buying cookies. Most people are fooled by all the
variety here, but not me. I’m on to them,
I know what they are trying to do.
Ah, here they are, glorious cookies: chocolate chip,
oatmeal, rock cookies, peanut butter, gingerbread man, brownies, Oreos and much
more! Cookies of all shapes and sizes, with dozens of different textures. It’s
beautiful, art in its purest form.
I take one of each. It may seem like a lot, but one
can never be too ready when it comes to cookies.
I start walking towards the counter carrying my
precious cookies. On the way, I notice people staring. No need to panic - This
always happens. Those people can be separated into two groups: the supporting
and the envious. The supporting are those who wish they could be just like me,
drowning in cookies for the rest of their lives. This group usually contains
small children and dogs. Listening to what they say can identify them: “WOW”,
“Mom\Dad, look!”, “He is sooo lucky, I wish I was an adult already”, and
barking of different sorts.
The other group - the envious - is formed of people
who want to steal my beloved cookies, mostly parents of small children and dog
owners. They can be easily recognized as well. All they do is try to stop the
other from fulfilling their dreams. They accomplish this by saying stuff like:
“Don’t stare!”, “You’ll get cookies when you’ll have better grades”, “He’s a
madman, stay away from him” and “Rusty, stop licking that guy!”
I’m waiting in line to pay for my cookies. Of course,
some people would say that cookies should be free. After all, they are vital
for living. I am one of those people.
“Hey there, handsome! Whatcha gonna do with all those
cookies? You having a party?” The young lady behind me whispers.
Actually, she might have said: “Move already, you are
holding up the line!” I’m not sure. People tell me I sometimes hear different
things from what is actually being said. But I don’t trust them because they
are just aiming for my cookies.
Better safe than sorry, I always say. That’s why I
reply: “No, no party. Just saving them for emergencies. You can’t have them.”
The young lady got the message. She didn’t talk to me
anymore.
At last, I got to the front of the line. I put my
cookies on the counter and let Kim calculate how much I owe. “Twenty-seven
dollars and ninety cents, like always Oogi.”
I take out a thirty-dollar bill and hand it to Kim. Or
maybe it’s a twenty and a ten. It’s hard to concentrate with all those cookies
in front of me. “Keep the change Kim, you deserve it,” I wink. I like to tip
Kim. She’s a good person. She doesn’t ask me about my cookies.
“Thank you Oogi, have a nice day.”
On my way back from the store, I bump into one of
those people who sleep on the streets just to find more cookies. I appreciate
and respect their kind; their resolve to get cookies is unmatched. I think that
people call them bums, but I’m not sure why. “You got any change?” the guy asks
and tries to get close to me.
“If I give you change, will you leave my darlings
alone?” This negotiation is hard to pull off, I have to do it every time, but I
get better.
The bum looks confused. He knows how to conceal his
real intentions well. I wonder if they have schools for that.
“Shuw, I vill leave you dalings alone.”
I take out my wallet and check how much change I have.
A quarter and two dimes.
“Would a quarter and one dime be enough?”
“Shuw.”
I put my coins in his cookie-transforming device that
looks like a regular cup. Those bums sure have some amazing tricks.
I hurry back to my apartment, trying not to cross any
more bums along the way.
My shopping trip was a big success. I have safely
arrived at my apartment, protected by solid walls from any invading cookies
robbers.
All and all, it has been a good day.
No comments:
Post a Comment